It’s come in at 118000 words, or there about. It’s currently with 3 people for reading/finding cockups/grammar errors.
It also has two endings, I don’t know which one I want.
Tuesday, Feb 26 2013
Language and Life and Writing Experience, Writing 6:37 pm
Ok, maybe not finished finished -I need to round off the odd chapter – I’ve put in ??? to say ‘Something more, possibly’.
But after 15 months (I had a long break in the middle, – not stressed enough) and 118,000 words I have a novel that can be read as such.
Now just need to tighten up the start, make sure the continuity works, and correct a few pages. THEN start the editing of the first draft.
BUT
I actually have a novel.
Bugger. That’s a bit scary. Never written anything this long before
I Ain’t Been Shot Mum cards Saturday, Feb 9 2013
Wargames IABSM, Too Fat Lardies, Wargames, wargaming 1:02 pm
I present four sets of cards, one for each of the major European combatants, fot the Too Fat Lardies wargame “I Ain’t Been Shot Mum”. Rather than boring cards with just the words on, these contain period images (except a couple of modern ones thrown up by image search on Google and Bing where no other period image was found).
Included in each set is a Nation specific ‘Tea Break’ card, as well as a propagander poster for an ‘Umpire Card’ and a untitled portrait of the national wartime leader to use as a ‘joker’ or second umpire card, or what ever (though neither Churchill or Stalin were the head of state). There is also a ‘Title Card’ to stick on the outside of a box you keep them in.
Each set’s background is colour coded: Green for the US, Red for USSR etc.
The fifth file is Card Backs of the title panel from the 3rd edition rules – reproduced by kind permission of Chief Lardie Richard Clarke. If you flip the printed sheet over these SHOULD line up, assuming you use the same top edge both times (you’ll note the larger space at the bottom than the top, though left and right margins are identical).
When I print cards at home I print on plain paper then laminate before cutting up. If anyone wants the jpegs of the cards to send to a commercial printer to place on proper cards, such as ‘Artscow’, let me know.
EDIT: Word of caution – just thought: these are on A4 paper – not sure what will happen on US ‘Letter’ size paper!
To the best of my knowledge all images (except the ‘modern’ ones) are free of copyright, being owned and made available by various national governments. Where possible I have included the title of the picture to give some sort of background to what it is of. The modern ones are from image search, and uncredited, though may be advertising.
Kiss Me Hardy – Data sheets for Minor ships at Trafalgar Monday, Jan 28 2013
Wargames Napoleonic, Naval, Too Fat Lardies, Wargames 1:55 am
I’ve previously posted ship data sheets for the ships of the line at Trafalgar for the Too Fat Lardies rules “Kiss Me Hardy”.
http://lasthussar.wordpress.com/2009/09/04/kiss-me-hardy-trafalgar-data-sheets/
Here are the other ships present, 5th rates or unrated. They didn’t fight but scouted beforehand or picked up survivors. The Pickle was the ship that took the news of Trafalgar, both the victory and Nelson’s death, back to Britain.
Getting Old Friday, Jan 11 2013
Life Experience, youth 1:19 am
Picked up my first pair of glasses today (proper prescription glasses, not shades).
I’ve always had good eyesight, often surprising the opticians with what I can read – I can read the 4.5 meter line on a chart. My last test was 3 years ago, and I was due back a year ago, on a two year recall. I never quite got round to booking the appointment.
However over the last couple of months I’ve noticed it was taking a second or two to snap into focus when reading smaller fonts, so I finally made an appointment. As suspected I need reading glasses.
Its odd, because I’m not used to having anything on my face, its going to take time to ignore the weight on my nose, and the fact the pages and VDU are now framed. Also I ONLY need reading glasses – I still have ‘fighter pilot vision’ as the opthalmist called it; better than 6/6 (20/20). This means when I’m wearing the glasses anything more than arms length away goes blurry as my distance vision kicks in and wonders what idiot put these lenses in the way!
So now if someone talks to me while I work I look up at a slightly fuzzy person. Sitting on my laptop I perched them on the end of my nose, so I look at the screen through them, but can watch TV over the top!
Dr S-Who-se Thursday, Oct 25 2012
Uncategorized Humour, Poem, TV, Writing 11:39 pm
I have a Cat in a Hat now. Cats in Hats are cool.
I’m The Doctor, but don’t ask Who
Just meet my old girl, dressed in blue
You may find me a wily old fox
And not a madman in a box.
Travel through time, and travel through space
To anywhen, and anyplace.
From Big Bang to Big Crunch
To farthest star then back for lunch.
Remember, I never ever use a gun.
So when danger comes I’ll just shout RUN
I sonic open the strongest locks
But I am not a madman in a box
I’ll wear a scarf, or fez or suit
And piece of salad, or Converse boot.
Destroyer of Worlds, the Bringer of Darkness
The Oncoming Storm (All me, not Harkness)
You’ll see pits and quarries that all look the same
Monsters of ice, beasts of flame
There may be homicidal pepperpots
Who are scared of a madman in a box
Fixed points in time cannot be changed,
For reasons mad, weird or deranged,
There’s one more thing, now let me think,
Ah yes, you must never ever blink.
So as I travel through time and space
With Sarah-Jane, the Ponds and Ace,
Through the thrills, the spills and shocks,
I most definitely am a madman in a box!
(Second) First game of Dux Britanniarum Sunday, Sep 30 2012
Uncategorized Too Fat Lardies, Wargames, wargaming 4:20 am
Dux Britanniarum (DB henceforth) is the new Early Medieval (aka Dark Ages) game from the Two Fat Lardies. I had played in the demo game at the Newbury Wargames Show about a month ago, but Friday night was the first time I’d played where I had any true grasp of the rules. The are specifically designed for the early period, Romano British v invading Saxons, 5th century stuff, though they could easily be used with later periods.
My regular opponent ‘Sunjester’ had bought the rules, along with the card packs (more later) for £25, as he had lots of 25mm figures that hadn’t seen a table for some years. The book is approx 100 pages from the look of it, printed on high quality glossy paper in colour and ‘perfect bound’, similar to the TFL recent releases ‘I Ain’t Been Shot Mum’ (version 3) and ‘Charlie Don’t Surf’. The pro’s and cons of the increase of production values is argued on wargame fora across the internet, so I won’t go into them here, except to say I liked the general look. The card packs are playing card sized, rather than the oversize cards produced for IABSM.
Olympic abbreviations in full Wednesday, Aug 8 2012
Uncategorized Humour, Olympics, Sport 9:39 am
Times/Distances
WR – World Record
OR – Olympic Record
PB – Personal Best
SB – Season’s Best
MSLH – Mum Still Loves Him
PBD – Plucky But Doomed
LFYW – Last Four Years Wasted
JPE – Just Plain Embarrassing
Athlete Specific
CYNHO – Country You’ve Never Heard Of
NRSIAW – No, Really, She Is A Woman
MBOD – Must Be On Drugs
AICIDWG – Amnesty International Case If Doesn’t Win Gold
(NB, this was introduced in 1989, following the removal of GOG – Gold Or Gulag)
Event Specific
Beach Volleyball – Women
NA – Nice Arse
BOC – Bit Of Cellulite
Basketball
FT – Freakishly Tall
Diving – Men
PFMAW – Porn for Middle Aged Women.
If you ‘know’ any more, please add!
Pre…? Sunday, Jul 22 2012
Language Elitism, Rant, Writing 3:07 am
For some years I’ve had a nagging sense of wrongness about a sign on a office supplies seller. Finally put my finger on it today.
“Pre-used furniture”
PRE used?
Surely that is is ‘used’ then? Pre used would be new.
My wife compounded this by refering to her payment card she had been sent for her travel costs as ‘pre-loaded’ with cash.
No that would be loaded (note I am not getting upset with the evolution of the word loaded, that is just using physical imagery for an electronic idea – makes sense in context).
My correction of her was met with a sour face, despite her laughing agreement earlier.
I have a new mission in life – ridicule the misuse of ‘Pre’
Don’t Tell Your Mother Tuesday, May 15 2012
Uncategorized Experience, Fatherhood, Poem, Writing 9:45 pm
A poem dedicated to fathers and sons.
When things went not quite wrong
But then again not quite right,
Dad would lower his voice,
Just like a conspirator might,
And we’d grin and smirk
One to the other,
He’d wink and say
“Don’t tell your mother.”
Thoughts upon life after death. Wednesday, Apr 18 2012
Uncategorized Experience, Family 1:14 am
Funerals are not for the dead, they are ceremonies for the living.
It was my honour on Tuesday to support three people who are very special to me through their time of grief.
Paul had little choice but to entrust me with looking after these people, who were also very special to him. It was clear from the eulogy he has set the bar high. I will do my best to live up to what he would have wanted.
To my Wife Saturday, Apr 14 2012
Uncategorized Kim Hopping, Love, Writing 7:14 pm
Grow old with me, my Love
And hold my hand in the autumn sun,
Grow old with me, my Love
By my side in days to come.
Grow old with me, my Love
And watch our kids find love of their own
Grow old with me, my Love
Family will be seeds that we’ve sown.
Grow old with me, my Love,
And wrinkled, and forgetful, and fat.
Grow old with me, my Love,
I won’t regret any of that.
And when you’re old with me, my Love,
Know my heart will still be true,
So when you’re old with me, my Love,
I’ll be happy I grew old with you.
Man Rules Thursday, Apr 5 2012
Uncategorized Experience, Humour, Rant 12:13 am
A collegue emailed me this. I said to her “Did this really need to be written down? Really, like it isn’t obvious?”
”At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
The rules
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1 “ON PURPOSE!
1 Men are NOT mind readers.
1 Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl.
If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up; you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sports on TV:
It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1 Crying is blackmail
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes or No is a perfectly acceptable answer to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say “during commercials”…
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like a Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that…
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.
1 If when you ask us what we are thinking we say nothing, it means we are thinking of nothing. This is perfectly possible.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that?
It’s like camping.
How to seduce a writer. Friday, Mar 9 2012
Uncategorized Humour, Internet, Writing 12:08 am
Good advice from Neil Gaiman.
In my experience, writers tend to be really good at the inside of their own heads and imaginary people, and a lot less good at the stuff going on outside, which means that quite often if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid.
So I would suggest that any attempted seduction of a writer would probably go a great deal easier for all parties if you sent them a cheerful note saying “YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION: Please come to dinner on Friday Night. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.”
And alcohol may help, too. Or kissing. Many writers figure out that they’re being seduced or flirted with if someone is actually kissing them.
http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last-post
