It also has two endings, I don’t know which one I want.

But after 15 months (I had a long break in the middle, – not stressed enough) and 118,000 words I have a novel that can be read as such.

Now just need to tighten up the start, make sure the continuity works, and correct a few pages. THEN start the editing of the first draft.

BUT

I actually have a novel.
Bugger. That’s a bit scary. Never written anything this long before

British Cards

US cards

Soviet Cards

German Cards

Card Backs

Included in each set is a Nation specific ‘Tea Break’ card, as well as a propagander poster for an ‘Umpire Card’ and a untitled portrait of the national wartime leader to use as a ‘joker’ or second umpire card, or what ever (though neither Churchill or Stalin were the head of state). There is also a ‘Title Card’ to stick on the outside of a box you keep them in.

Each set’s background is colour coded: Green for the US, Red for USSR etc.

The fifth file is Card Backs of the title panel from the 3rd edition rules – reproduced by kind permission of Chief Lardie Richard Clarke. If you flip the printed sheet over these SHOULD line up, assuming you use the same top edge both times (you’ll note the larger space at the bottom than the top, though left and right margins are identical).

When I print cards at home I print on plain paper then laminate before cutting up. If anyone wants the jpegs of the cards to send to a commercial printer to place on proper cards, such as ‘Artscow’, let me know.

EDIT: Word of caution – just thought: these are on A4 paper – not sure what will happen on US ‘Letter’ size paper!

To the best of my knowledge all images (except the ‘modern’ ones) are free of copyright, being owned and made available by various national governments. Where possible I have included the title of the picture to give some sort of background to what it is of. The modern ones are from image search, and uncredited, though may be advertising.

http://lasthussar.wordpress.com/2009/09/04/kiss-me-hardy-trafalgar-data-sheets/

Here are the other ships present, 5th rates or unrated. They didn’t fight but scouted beforehand or picked up survivors. The Pickle was the ship that took the news of Trafalgar, both the victory and Nelson’s death, back to Britain.

Trafalgar minor ships

I’ve always had good eyesight, often surprising the opticians with what I can read – I can read the 4.5 meter line on a chart. My last test was 3 years ago, and I was due back a year ago, on a two year recall. I never quite got round to booking the appointment.

However over the last couple of months I’ve noticed it was taking a second or two to snap into focus when reading smaller fonts, so I finally made an appointment. As suspected I need reading glasses.

Its odd, because I’m not used to having anything on my face, its going to take time to ignore the weight on my nose, and the fact the pages and VDU are now framed. Also I ONLY need reading glasses – I still have ‘fighter pilot vision’ as the opthalmist called it; better than 6/6 (20/20). This means when I’m wearing the glasses anything more than arms length away goes blurry as my distance vision kicks in and wonders what idiot put these lenses in the way!

So now if someone talks to me while I work I look up at a slightly fuzzy person. Sitting on my laptop I perched them on the end of my nose, so I look at the screen through them, but can watch TV over the top!

HOWEVER

You can download the Magic Set Editor.  This lets you make extra cards (no making your own packs/duplicates of rare cards!) for your favourite card games

http://magicseteditor.sourceforge.net/

You can download lots of different templates (make you own Top Trumps!)

Examples for ‘I ain’t been shot mum’

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lasthussar/sets/72157632271073354/

I then use artscow to print off packs.  You need 54 cards (artcow allows you 2 jokers), plus a card back.  You can choose to have the suits on or off the cards.

http://www.artscow.com/

The cards are very good quality, comparable to ‘proper cards’.

You may say ‘Hold on that’s £7 a pack’.  Yes (however they are always giving out promo codes), but how much do figures cost? Terrain?  Lets face it, its only 2-3 beers.  Wargamers spend lots, another few pounds for good quality cards is surely worth the investments

I’m The Doctor, but don’t ask Who

Just meet my old girl, dressed in blue

You may find me a wily old fox

And not a madman in a box.

Travel through time, and travel through space

To anywhen, and anyplace.

From Big Bang to Big Crunch

To farthest star then back for lunch.

Remember, I never ever use a gun.

So when danger comes I’ll just shout RUN

I sonic open the strongest locks

But I am not a madman in a box

I’ll wear a scarf, or fez or suit

And piece of salad, or Converse boot.

Destroyer of Worlds, the Bringer of Darkness

The Oncoming Storm (All me, not Harkness)

You’ll see pits and quarries that all look the same

Monsters of ice, beasts of flame

There may be homicidal pepperpots

Who are scared of a madman in a box

Fixed points in time cannot be changed,

For reasons mad, weird or deranged,

There’s one more thing, now let me think,

Ah yes, you must never ever blink.

So as I travel through time and space

With Sarah-Jane, the Ponds and Ace,

Through the thrills, the spills and shocks,

I most definitely am a madman in a box!

My regular opponent ‘Sunjester’ had bought the rules, along with the card packs (more later) for £25, as he had lots of 25mm figures that hadn’t seen a table for some years.  The book is approx 100 pages from the look of it, printed on high quality glossy paper in colour and ‘perfect bound’, similar to the TFL recent releases ‘I Ain’t Been Shot Mum’ (version 3) and ‘Charlie Don’t Surf’.  The pro’s and cons of the increase of production values is argued on wargame fora across the internet, so I won’t go into them here, except to say I liked the general look.  The card packs are playing card sized, rather than the oversize cards produced for IABSM.

The game plays pleasingly straight forward, the rules simple but not basic.  Many principles found in other TFL games have been carried over.  Some are put off by a ‘stable’ feel to rules from the same publishers, but Richard Clarke (Chief Lardie) and/or whoever the writers are, have used them for effect, rather than ‘We always put this in’ – this isn’t IABSM/They Couldn’t Hit an Elephant/etc Dark age.

Troops are catagorised as either Levy, Warriors or Elites, organised into groups of 6 of the same kind.  They are lead by leader figures, who, whilst seperate can join groups and fight along side them.

Each leader is rated from 1-4, 4 being the best.  This rating is how many actions he gets.  He is activated when his card comes up from the deck.  This deck idea is one common in Lardie games, with DB only the leaders (not the individual units) get a card in the deck, the exception being ‘leaderless’ groups, such as archers etc, who don’t hang around in groups of 6.  At the start of every turn the pack is shuffled and turned one at a time.  The named leader gets to take his actions.  There is no equivalent to ‘Tea Break’ all cards are drawn, so all leaders get a turn.

Often these will be used to activate units.  It takes one action to activate a unit, so it makes sense to keep 6 man groups together to form 1 large unit, thus 1 activation, forcing the player to prefer to use period tactics, with out absolutely forbidding him – “You can send bands running all over the place, but we’re going to make it difficult to move them all”. An activated unit moves 3d6, or fights if already in combat. A unit within 4″ of the front of an enemy is pinned, and is highly limited at to its actions – simulating standing yards from a group of heavily armed men engenders a certain amount of fear and caution!  This idea is found in the various musket rule sets.

Leaders can also remove Shock, a by product of combat, at 1 point per level used.  The other major thing they do is they can use 1 point to draw 1 Fate card.  Fate cards a new thing to DB.  They sit seperate to the action deck, and are basically used to give the player an advantage if he decides to play one.  Thus when I charged into combat with one group I played a ferocious charge card, giving them +1 to hit in the first round of combat.

The fate deck is in three ‘suits’, Dragons (Brits) or Boars (Saxons) under the card text make it force specific, while other cards are ‘No’ suit, so can be used by anyone.

Combat is simple.  1 die per man in combat (in this contect 1st and 2nd ranks if you have a deep formation), + 1 per level of each Leader fighting.  Then lose 1 die per 2 shock points a group has.  4+ hits.  You reroll the hits to see how many kills/shock caused.  The target number required varies on the troops you are fighting.  So (this is from memory- apologies if wrong), it takes a 6 to kill and 4-5 to shock, elite, while Levy shock on 2-4, and die on 5-6.  If any leaders were with a unit that suffered kills then roll a d6 – if equal or less than the number of kills caused, one of them goes on him, reducing his level.  If he is knocked down to 0, then he is dead.

Shock represents the build up of fear and loss of nerve in a unit, and has a number of effects; 2 shock loses a unit 1 die in combat, it reduces movement by 1 inch per shock, and can cause the unit to run away.  In IABSM if a unit has more shock than men still living, it “Loses its bottle”.  In DB it “Loses its amphora”!  It retreats away from combat, and any further kills/shock forces it to keep retiring until such time it either leaves the table, or a Leader can use his command to remove shock down to the number of men.

Also included is a campaign system that generates scenarios.  As Friday was a quick game to get the feel of it, we haven’t really looked at this yet, but it looks like this is what the game is really about – an ongoing saga of how your men improve, and what loot they gain.  Of course there is nothing to prevent you using the on-table rules as you wish for one off games.

The game played quickly, flowed smoothly and was simple enough that I learnt basic rules from just playing, while still giving a combat resolution that felt ‘right’: Heavily armoured Elites/Hearthguard are easily to hold their own against peasent levy who out number them.  We did wonder how valid the idea the Saxons don’t use shield wall bacause they have light buckler shields for raiding is, I think this might be an attempt to give each side unique characteristics.

Over all a enjoyable game, and I am looking forward to my next game.

Link to the TFL site – various purchase options depending whether you want just the PDF, and make your own cards, all the way up to Book, Cards, PDF and 2 Starter armies.

http://toofatlardies.co.uk/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=21

(Note, They ARE available, no matter what the top of the page might say).

NB Any inaccuraicies in description of mechanics is because I don’t own a set Ican check!

Athlete Specific
CYNHO – Country You’ve Never Heard Of
NRSIAW – No, Really, She Is A Woman
MBOD – Must Be On Drugs
AICIDWG – Amnesty International Case If Doesn’t Win Gold
(NB, this was introduced in 1989, following the removal of GOG – Gold Or Gulag)

Event Specific
Beach Volleyball – Women
NA – Nice Arse
BOC – Bit Of Cellulite

Basketball
FT – Freakishly Tall

Diving – Men
PFMAW – Porn for Middle Aged Women.

If you ‘know’ any more, please add!

“Pre-used furniture”

PRE used?

Surely that is is ‘used’ then? Pre used would be new.

My wife compounded this by refering to her payment card she had been sent for her travel costs as ‘pre-loaded’ with cash.

No that would be loaded (note I am not getting upset with the evolution of the word loaded, that is just using physical imagery for an electronic idea – makes sense in context).

My correction of her was met with a sour face, despite her laughing agreement earlier.

I have a new mission in life – ridicule the misuse of ‘Pre’