My Life – a Venn diagram Wednesday, Oct 5 2011 


My Dad – the worlds best Alternative Medicine therapist? Wednesday, Aug 24 2011 

When I was young, in the 70’s, I used to get pains in my legs.  My dad would cure this with his special ointment.

He successfully treated growing pains with Old Spice aftershave…

Well, that’s good to know. Wednesday, Aug 24 2011 

According to Twitter, the Met police are not following me.  Bit of a relief that.

Wargamer’s Rhapsody Monday, Jul 18 2011 

With apologies to Freddie Mercury…

Is this Renaissance?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a leadslide,
My escape from reality
Put out my figures, but your army’s bigger, oh crap,
I’m just a poor bloke, I need more miniatures,
Because I’m easy meat, and paint too slow, don’t roll high, always low,
Any way the dice fall doesn’t really matter to me,
to me

Oh-no, I just killed a man,
Charged him on too far ahead, rolled my dice, now he’s dead
Dammit, the game had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away
Oh-no, oo-ooh, Didn’t mean to make them die,
I’ve got to play this game again tomorrow,
With no men, with no men, coz nothing now can save me

Too late, my reserves are gone,
I’ve got Artillery on my ranks, and his cavalry on my flanks.
Goodbye, ev’rybody, I’ve got to flee,
Gotta leave you all behind and quit the field
Oh hell, oo-ooh, I don’t want to lose,
I sometimes wish I’d never played these rules at all
Coz nothing now can save me…

I see a little silhouette of a man,
Minus 2, minus 2, on your combat roll
Agincourt and Crecy, very, very messy
(buy more lead) buy more lead (buy more lead) buy more lead, buy more lead At a show, ow, ow, ow.

I’m just a poor Colonel, everybody beats me
I’m just a poor gamer with a lone sentry,
Spare me my figures from your huge army
Hard to paint, easy lose, will you take a draw
Surrender! We will not let you draw
(Let him draw!) Surrender! We will not let you draw
(Let him draw!) Surrender! We will not let you draw
(Let me draw) Will not let you draw
(Let me draw) Will not let you draw (Let me draw) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh Phil Barker, Phil Barker) 5th edition lets me win
Pendraken has an army put aside for me, for me, for me…

So you think you can flank me and use that old ruse
So you think you can charge me and leave me to lose
Oh, damn it, no matter how much I plan it,
Just gotta pack up, just gotta pack up my men now
Nothing ever works, Anything I try,
Nothing ever works,
Nothing ever works, for me
(Any way the smoke blows)

Can Time Travellers commit adultery with their own spouse? Tuesday, Jun 21 2011 

You know those odd random thoughts you get, that sort of buzz annoyingly round your head like a wasp too stupid to fly out of an open window?  Here’s one from today.

If you go back in time, and arrive home, pretending to be the younger you, and have sex with your husband/wife in the past, are you cheating on your Now-Spouse?  What if you travel to before you met, and seduce the young future spouse?

I’m going to get a Super-injunction Thursday, May 26 2011 

No one is allowed to say I haven’t had sex with lots of beautiful women.

Running out of superlatives Sunday, May 22 2011 

Having listened to my son speaking to a freind this morning, I wonder what the youth of today will do when the do encounter something that is, actually, ‘awesome’.

Or come to that, how will they convey when something is ‘literally’ true (as opposed to “I literally died”. Really – you are a zombie then?)

Complete History of the Soviet Union… Wednesday, May 11 2011 

as seen through the eyes of a humble worker.

Your Future, Googled Tuesday, Apr 19 2011 

Randall Munroe, the writer of XKCD has Googled a bunch of search terms and years. Based on this he can predict the future.

Schrödinger’s Coffin Tuesday, Apr 5 2011 

Are we sure he is in it?

Rhyming ‘ough’ Thursday, Mar 3 2011 

John Betjeman famously wrote

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!

Such is the history of the English language and geography, that for non-native speakers – like Americans* – it would not be immediately obvious how to pronounce ‘Slough’, though the next line’s rhyme –

It isn’t fit for humans now,

would demonstrate it

However, if he had written

I’ve had just about enough

they would be none the wiser.  Of course he could have used

Your belching chimneys make me cough

and it would have still looked right, though I can not imagine how it would rhyme with

It is a God forsaken borough

Though (look another one) this would have let him go on to

You are not as fine as Edinburgh

to really confuse things.  Or maybe the second line could be

You’re roads have become really slow.

We are of course talking about the language where we have ‘mouse’/’mice’ but the plural of ‘house” is not ‘hice’, and the singular of ‘dice’ is not ‘douce’.

*Foot note

Listening to an American saying ‘Worcestershire Sauce’ is one of the great maddening pleasures of life.

Questions for bankers Tuesday, Mar 1 2011 seems fair.

My bank once phoned me, then refused to talk to me unless I proved who I said I was.  I’m hoping they will do it again so I can ask them security questions.  I may also include the phrase “this phone call will be recorded for purposes of being riduculed on the internet.”

113th Time Travel Society Christmas dinner Sunday, Dec 26 2010 

Strictly Come Dancing and X Factor results – Sneak Preview Sunday, Dec 5 2010 

Russia has been confirmed as the winner in both

Qatar will be the winner of Dancing On Ice.

Sepp Blater has just been announced as Prince William’s Bride.

No good deed goes unpunished… Sunday, Dec 5 2010 

An email from a colleague about doing something more worthwhile than the usual meaningless card exchange at Christmas.

Hi OMU colleagues
As you may recall over the past couple of years I have put forward the idea that rather than sending a multiplicity of Seasonal cards to one another that I could collect donations from the ‘savings’ made and purchase what are sometimes known as a ‘Gift for Life’ ( eg a goat, cow, school/ healthcare equipment etc)

I am happy to do this again for those who might wish to take part. I am sure you are aware there are various charities that offer these gifts and they are becoming increasing popular. If you have suggestions on what you might like to buy it would be appreciated.

I was also thinking of providing a single ‘master’ card which could be signed by all those wishing to join in.

If you would like to join in with this idea, please can you link up with me, ideally before 17th December

Thank you for your time and consideration of the idea.

Now this is very noble, and should be given respect – no matter what the financial situation in the UK, my colleagues and I still live in a ‘first world country’ and like many people here, will be over-indulging this Christmas, and we should think of those around the world who struggle to survive. Unfortunately my colleagues have a somewhat evil sense of humour…


Hi Rodney,
How much will a goat cost?


Its not the cost of the goat mark its the cost of the postage that concerns me!


We could send it bit by bit.
Makes it easier to wrap too!!


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