Chain of Command QR Sheet Monday, Sep 16 2013 

Chain of Command is the new platoon level wargame from the Too Fat Lardies. Rich has produced a QRS. However before that had been published I had already started my own. These I feel are the best lay out.

Sheet 1 – Command and Movement
Sheet 2 – Combat and Morale
Sheet 3 – Vehicle Combat.

Please note some suspected anomalies have been double checked by people on the Lardies Yahoo Group, specifically 1) 0 and 1 net hits on soft skins and 2) The difference between Road and Broken wheeled movement: ALL hard ground counts as Road.

UPDATE 19 Sept 13. Updated to amend a couple of errors that had crept in.

Quick Reference Sheet

I Ain’t Been Shot Mum cards Saturday, Feb 9 2013 

I present four sets of cards, one for each of the major European combatants, fot the Too Fat Lardies wargame “I Ain’t Been Shot Mum”. Rather than boring cards with just the words on, these contain period images (except a couple of modern ones thrown up by image search on Google and Bing where no other period image was found).

British Cards

US cards

Soviet Cards

German Cards

Card Backs

Included in each set is a Nation specific ‘Tea Break’ card, as well as a propagander poster for an ‘Umpire Card’ and a untitled portrait of the national wartime leader to use as a ‘joker’ or second umpire card, or what ever (though neither Churchill or Stalin were the head of state). There is also a ‘Title Card’ to stick on the outside of a box you keep them in.

Each set’s background is colour coded: Green for the US, Red for USSR etc.

The fifth file is Card Backs of the title panel from the 3rd edition rules – reproduced by kind permission of Chief Lardie Richard Clarke. If you flip the printed sheet over these SHOULD line up, assuming you use the same top edge both times (you’ll note the larger space at the bottom than the top, though left and right margins are identical).

When I print cards at home I print on plain paper then laminate before cutting up. If anyone wants the jpegs of the cards to send to a commercial printer to place on proper cards, such as ‘Artscow’, let me know.

EDIT: Word of caution – just thought: these are on A4 paper – not sure what will happen on US ‘Letter’ size paper!

To the best of my knowledge all images (except the ‘modern’ ones) are free of copyright, being owned and made available by various national governments. Where possible I have included the title of the picture to give some sort of background to what it is of. The modern ones are from image search, and uncredited, though may be advertising.

Kiss Me Hardy – Data sheets for Minor ships at Trafalgar Monday, Jan 28 2013 

I’ve previously posted ship data sheets for the ships of the line at Trafalgar for the Too Fat Lardies rules “Kiss Me Hardy”.


Here are the other ships present, 5th rates or unrated. They didn’t fight but scouted beforehand or picked up survivors. The Pickle was the ship that took the news of Trafalgar, both the victory and Nelson’s death, back to Britain.

Trafalgar minor ships

Making cards for Two Fat Lardies games Monday, Dec 17 2012 

Fans of Two Fat Lardies games will be used to making cards for the games.  This can be a bit of a hassle-  doing it in either a word-processor or a graphics package is a pain.


You can download the Magic Set Editor.  This lets you make extra cards (no making your own packs/duplicates of rare cards!) for your favourite card games

You can download lots of different templates (make you own Top Trumps!)

Examples for ‘I ain’t been shot mum’

I then use artscow to print off packs.  You need 54 cards (artcow allows you 2 jokers), plus a card back.  You can choose to have the suits on or off the cards.

The cards are very good quality, comparable to ‘proper cards’.

You may say ‘Hold on that’s £7 a pack’.  Yes (however they are always giving out promo codes), but how much do figures cost? Terrain?  Lets face it, its only 2-3 beers.  Wargamers spend lots, another few pounds for good quality cards is surely worth the investments

(Second) First game of Dux Britanniarum Sunday, Sep 30 2012 

Dux Britanniarum (DB henceforth) is the new Early Medieval (aka Dark Ages) game from the Two Fat Lardies.  I had played in the demo game at the Newbury Wargames Show about a month ago, but Friday night was the first time I’d played where I had any true grasp of the rules.  The are specifically designed for the early period, Romano British v invading Saxons, 5th century stuff, though they could easily be used with later periods.

My regular opponent ‘Sunjester’ had bought the rules, along with the card packs (more later) for £25, as he had lots of 25mm figures that hadn’t seen a table for some years.  The book is approx 100 pages from the look of it, printed on high quality glossy paper in colour and ‘perfect bound’, similar to the TFL recent releases ‘I Ain’t Been Shot Mum’ (version 3) and ‘Charlie Don’t Surf’.  The pro’s and cons of the increase of production values is argued on wargame fora across the internet, so I won’t go into them here, except to say I liked the general look.  The card packs are playing card sized, rather than the oversize cards produced for IABSM.


‘Market Garden’ scenario for Troops Weapons and Tactics. Sunday, Dec 4 2011 

Originally entered in the Too Fat Lardie scenario writing competition (didn’t win!)

Based on an incident from the siege in Arnhem, and an attempt to write a multi player scenario for TW&T – not a game that normally lends its self to more than one player a side.

Bloody Berets

“Hell of a way to spend Valentine’s day!” – A ‘Platoon Forward’ battle report. Monday, May 23 2011 

“Seeing the Elephant”, Italy 1944

Our (Graham and I) latest campaign is Italy World War 2 using the “Too Fat Lardies” ‘Troops Weapons and Tactics’, with their new “Platoon Forward” Supplement (Suitable for all low level rules, but written with TW&T in mind).

We will be following 2 Platoon, B Company, 1 Battalion, Berks, Bucks and Oxon Infantry Regiment, who, arriving in Italy January 44, have been placed with 11 Infantry Brigade. The account of their first action is recounted below.

Note – I have put it in a PDF – editing into WordPress with that many pictures is a bit time consuming! (and the PDF is smaller than 1 photo)

01 – Hell of a way to spend Valentines day

Feel free to leave a comment

Random Platoon Generator for Troops, Weapons and Tactics Sunday, May 1 2011 

This spreadsheet will generate a random (British) platoon for Troops, Weapons and Tactics/Platoon Forward. Of course it can be used for any other platoon level wargame (NUTS etc) though you will have course have to tweak the stats. For reference TI is Tactical initiative, and runs from 1 (plodder) to 4 (heroic). The Big Man Bonus is the extra added when a leader is directing fire (Typically 3d6-3 for rifles up to 4d6+4 for MG42, the results table maxing at 36). Making the Big Man drop down YES shows the values for that man (TW&T is not normally interested in non leaders). I have defaulted the Lance Corporals, who lead the Bren gun group to BM, as they may well be called on to replace a killed section leader during a battle.

I suggest that you put ‘Workbook Calculation’ (found under Options/Formulas) to Manual, otherwise everything changes each time you change a cell. F9 is the manual update. Use Copy then “Paste Special –>; Values” to put the results you want to keep onto a fresh spreadsheet (this pastes results, rather then the formulae, so won’t keep getting updated).

Note – this is a Excel 2007 spreadsheet, so has the extension .xlsx (see below for a possible earlier version)

Random lists

This is the version saved as compatable with Excel 1997-2003. I can not guarantee which bits (if any) will work. If anybody wants to do a rewrite I’d be happy to work with them on it.

Random lists excel 97

Rights/IP stuff. I’m providing this free for personal non-commercial use, the basic work remains mine. I haven’t put anything malicious into it, but I can provide no warrenty etc etc yadda yadda yadda. Feel free to edit the names/platoon layout for other nations – I’ll happily upload it here or provide a link to where ever you host it: My Gmail address is (unsurprisingly) Last.Hussar@…

Napoleonics – ur doin it rong Wednesday, Nov 10 2010 

Not sure what has happened at the Lardies Website, but I’m fairly sure the Prussians didn’t get 109’s (Straight screen capture – no ‘shop involved)

Troops, Weapons & Tactics – Review Tuesday, Nov 17 2009 

Too Fat Lardies, £10, sent by downloaded PDF.

Having enjoyed ‘Kiss Me Hardy’ (Napoleonic Ships- my review) I decided to purchase another set of rules from ‘The Too Fat Lardies’ . I put it off for a few weeks, waiting to see if the new editions of ‘I Ain’t Been Shot Mum’ (IABSM)- a WW2 set, or ‘Le Feu Sacre’ (Napoleonics) were out. As IABSM isn’t ready, I went with ‘Troops Weapons & Tactics’ (the ‘&’ is important for the abbreviation). I’m pleased I did. (continued after the break) (more…)

Kiss Me Hardy, by the Too Fat Lardies- review Monday, Sep 28 2009 

Review of ‘Kiss Me, Hardy’ – Too Fat Lardies.

£7 pdf download, approx 50 pages.

I had been browsing for a set of Napoleonic Naval wargame rules for some time, and following a trip to Portsmouth, and HMS Victory I started to seriously look out a set. Many sets free on the ‘net appeared to by highly complex, with a large amount of book-keeping necessary.  I knew of KMH, and in answer to a question on TMP I was told they were a easy playing set, something a friend confirmed, so I took the plunge and ‘pay-pal’ed the ‘Too Fat Lardies’, having heard good things in general about their systems.


Kiss Me Hardy- Trafalgar data sheets Friday, Sep 4 2009 

Ship sheets for all ships of the line at Trafalgar, for use with ‘Kiss Me Hardy’ naval rules by ‘Too Fat Lardies’. (review)

KMH Trafalgar Ships

They should be mostly self explanatory if you have the rules. All possible national characteristics are shown, those in brackets are ones that may not occur depending on crew quality- e.g all JJT’s are ‘Determined’ but not all are (Fervent)- cross out any that don’t apply to your die roll for that ship

On the DP track numbers in red italic are the 5DP point for losing a gunnery factor, and the box with the double/heavy outline is the 50% mark- when you cross this off it is the strike test.  The % down the side are the basic strike percentage while any boxes in that row are not crossed out.

The track down the side of the rigging boxes is for putting a counter in if you alter sail setting.

I trim mine to a 2-3mm outside the border, laminate, then trim these to a few mm all around- enough for the laminate to stick away from the paper.  I use OHP/whiteboard type pens to mark off.  This means I can just put the whole lot in a basin of water (or once, under the shower) to quickly clean them.

See also cards for “Kiss Me Hardy”.

Whoops – at least one of the Spanish Ships is shown as crewed by Jolly Jack Tars (San Leandro). It SHOULD BE Landlubbers (though the characteristics are correct underneath)


Posted the sheets for the smaller ships. Though they did not fight, they had roles before and after the battle. They are included mainly for completeness, but also to allow small actions to be fought- frigate actions were not uncommon.